So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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