I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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