Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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