i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
