Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need water and some morals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
