Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
