Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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