he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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