Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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