I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
