I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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