I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think i peed on brittanys purse
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
