i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
