I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
