after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
