Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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