I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Farmville is her only friend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
