my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
