She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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