We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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