you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
