Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
