i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
