Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
