One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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