I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
