So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
