Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
