Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
