come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
