Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My ATM looks so different sober.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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