1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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