I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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