dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
