Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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