i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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