his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
