You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this will be a night to untag.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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