I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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