wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
