Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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