Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
