take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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