Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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