theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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