either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
only you would photoshop your dick
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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