I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
