My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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