Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
