I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
