yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
