Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
