Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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