Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
