she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
